A Messer Family Shopping Adventure
by make.tracks.cowboy11
Summary: I am completely aware that I suck at titles, but I promise I'm not too shabby when it comes to writing. What happens when Danny gets dragged out of the house to go grocery shopping on the day of the big game? R&R :


"Lindsay, baby, as much as I would absolutely _love _to go grocery shopping with you, I just can't," Danny started off, using as much sugar coating on his words as humanly possible.

"Oh really?" Lindsay retorted, stopping in the middle of the kitchen to put her free hand on her hip while she balanced her ten month old daughter on the other, which was a difficult task considering Lucy was currently bundled up in what Danny like to call her "immobilizing snowsuit". Along with her already layered outfit of a onesie, long-sleeved shirt, hoodie, and jeans, the added pink snow suit and thick pink jacked refused mobility of her little arms and legs. Throw in her scarf, mittens, and hat, and it was difficult for her to stand up, let alone move around at all. Only adding to the difficulty was the fact that Lucy absolutely detested the outfit; they were lucky the temper tantrum had been put off this long. As Lindsay fumbled with the velcro strap under her daughter's chin that she had managed to rip off yet again, she continued the battle with her husband.

She was determined.

She would win this fight.

"And why is that?" She already knew the answer to her own question, glancing over and wondering why Danny hadn't painted his face too, as she stifled a laugh at his obnoxious outfit of Rangers gear. He had the jersey, the sweatpants, the slippers, the hardhat—Yes, the hardhat. How many times has she pleaded him with him not to buy it? She could recall time and time again that she told him he was not a construction worker, nor would this hat make him look like one; that there were simple ball caps that would look much better, but no. He had insisted on wasting forty dollars on a friggin' hardhat with the Rangers' logo plastered on the side, along with a set of beer cozies, a popcorn bowl, and the blanket that was now draped across the back of the LazyBoy he was currently lounging in. She laughed. Yes, it wouldn't be a surprise if the halves of his face were divided red and blue.

Lucky enough for her, she had hid his paint stash after he had painted his chest for the World Series. Hopefully the Rangers wouldn't make it to the playoffs; one New York team gaining a victory was enough for this household to handle. She glanced towards the laundry basket and tried to count how many t-shirts _weren't _plastered with the "Yankee's World Series 2009" logo. Not being able to find any, she set her mind back on the task at hand: Operation Get Danny Out of That Chair.

"Baby, honey, sweetheart. You know what day it is." His pleading eyes were almost enough to make her give in.

_Almost_.

"If the Rangers win this one, they could be goin' to the playoffs! I promise you, no other man will be out of his house unless it's at break time and he's goin' on a beer run."

"Danny, that's exactly what you said the last time I asked you to come with us. Lucy's enough of a hassle as it is when she's grabbing at the shelves, but now with the cold weather, _and _she's teething…" She paused momentarily, making sure she was laying on the guilt extra thick, and sneaked a grin as she saw his face.

He was beginning to crack.

Now was the perfect time to pull out her secret weapon.

"And Lucy really wants to spend time with her daddy, don't you Luce?" She walked the ten steps from where she was standing in the kitchen to his chair and handed off the eager little girl who worked her magic, placing a big wet kiss on Danny's cheek and tried her best to wrap a hug around his neck, her restrained arms becoming an issue.

"Dada!" she exclaimed; Lindsay grinned victoriously while Danny could only sigh in defeat. He would do anything for his daughter, even if it meant missing part of the game.

"We get in, we get what we need, we get out, got it?" If he was going down, he was at least going to fight for a little bit of dignity. "None of this lollygagging you girls do when we go to the mall. I know all your tricks! You might _say _five minutes, but once we get into the friggin' Children's Place, I might as well take a nap on the couches in the family lounge!"

Lindsay laughed as she bent down to place a kiss on Danny's forehead. "Say 'thank you daddy'". Lucy responded with a giggle and placed another slobbery kiss on her father's nose. As Lindsay tried to lift the little girl from Danny's arms, he pulled her back down to his lap.

"Oh no, don't even think about it Montana. If I'm being dragged to WalMart, I at least get possession of this one. Right Luce?" Turning to see his daughter's face, or more, what wasn't covered by her hat and scarf, he laughed as she blew raspberries at Lindsay, and Danny followed suit, sticking his tongue out childishly at his wife. As soon as he began walking towards the door in front of her, she whacked him in the ass.

"Hey hey now, not in front of the baby," Danny joked, turning around and bending down to give her a kiss before picking up his keys.

"Baby, you're not seriously going out in public like that, are you?" Her eyebrow raised high in the air, she noted that he was still dressed in that ridiculous outfit. She could handle him wearing a jersey or a t-shirt, but this just crossed the line. The mischievous grin appearing on his face was not a promising one in her defense.

He opened their small coat closet near the door and pulled out his Rangers winter jacket.

_What a surprise_, Lindsay thought. Hadn't she bought him that for Christmas at one point? _Note to self, no more sports apparel for Danny_.

She rolled her eyes as she tried to blow by him but he caught her by the arm.

"You're going to make me regret dragging you out, aren't you?"

"With every ounce of hockey-loving blood in me." He grinned triumphantly down at her before placing a quick kiss on her nose, and headed out the door.

-----------

As if getting Lucy to sit in her car seat wasn't a hassle enough, Danny couldn't believe how many times she had managed to either escape the chair or another article of clothing. While he attempted to wrangle up the gloves and hat she had recently discarded, she was already struggling out of her coat. On top of it all, she was screaming.

And not just any normal baby cry.

She was shrieking.

Right next to Danny's ear.

"Baby, _please_, for daddy? Daddy really doesn't want a broken ear drum."

In the driver's seat next to him, Lindsay was grinning. _You may think you've won, but this is just the beginning, cowboy_.

"See what I have to deal with?" She turned to face him as she stopped at a red light. "And this, by the way, happens on a weekly basis, only I don't have someone to calm her down. I do it_ all by myself_."

_Yeah yeah, lay on the guilt trip, I get it_, he thought as he moved from the front seat to the back seat in hopes that he could find something, _anything_ to calm his screaming daughter.

He found no such luck.

As soon as he buckled himself into the seat, a bottle was chucked at his head. Trying not to laugh too obnoxiously, Lindsay chuckled as she tried to comfort her husband.

"Dan, are you okay? That looked like it hit you pretty hard there."

"Really? Nah, I barely felt it." He rolled his eyes and rubbed his head where the bottle had hit him, then reached down to unbuckle his daughter so he could free her from the layers of clothing that she was trying to rip off of herself unsuccessfully.

As soon as the coat and snow suit were dismissed, the little girl let out a sigh and extended her arms for Danny to hold her.

"Hey Linds, how much longer 'til we get there?" He knew it wasn't safe for Lucy to be out of her car seat, but if him holding her would keep a sense of calmness within the vehicle, he might have to break a couple laws.

"It's right around the corner."

Perfect.

He lifted a bubbly Lucy out of her seat and sat her in his lap, making sure his lap belt and arms were securely around her middle.

"You do know that you have to put all the clothes you just took _off _her back _on _her before we go in, right?" The way his face dropped and his eyes rolled back in his head put her ahead in the game.

-----------

"Why does this goddamn zipper only go down one leg?!"

"Danny," she managed in between outbursts of laughter. "Danny, her arm goes through the _arm_hole, not the leg hole."

He pulled the snowsuit off of Lucy for a third time, examined it once again, and attempted to get it on her protesting body once again. After wasting another fifteen minutes in the parking lot, he had successfully dressed her back into her snowsuit and coat, velcroed the hat back on her little head, and shoved her little hands into her mittens.

"Is all this shit really necessary?" he asked as he placed Lucy into the shopping cart and began pushing it towards the entrance.

"I don't want her getting sick! There's that swine flu thing going around, you can never be too careful."

"Montana, I don't think the pig flu is deflected by hot pink snow pants. She could at least do without those. Please? I mean look at her, she's dyin' in there! But then again, how could you tell? You can't even see her face." He motioned at the hat that covered her tiny forehead and the scarf that covered the rest. "Where'd Lucy go?!" he said in a fake-panicked voice, joking with his daughter who was enthralled at the game of peek-a-boo and gladly participated, whipping the hat off her head and throwing it to the ground. Lindsay motioned to the hat, now partially covered in dirt, and Danny obliged and picked it up, brushing the dirt off before putting it back on his daughter's fragile head, protesting when she thrust her arms forward as an indication that she wanted to continue the game.

"Sorry baby girl, mommy doesn't want us to have fun." He followed up with the newly learned puppy dog face and Lucy followed suit.

Lindsay was now holding her own.

_That's okay_, she thought as they entered the giant super center. _Two can play at this game_.

"Does Lucy want a cookie?!" she asked almost over-enthusiastically as she pulled a box of animal crackers out of the diaper bag.

As Lucy's eyes bulged out of her head in wanting, Danny's bulged out of his head in "Oh my god, you're bribing her over!".

"That's not fair, that's _not even fair!_"

"Danny, we already have one fussy baby, do we need another?" she asked with a proud glint in her eye as she watched her daughter attempt to shove the cookie into her mouth. He glared at her but she kept smiling, knowing that he couldn't stay angry at her for long. "Maybe if you had a Rangers diaper bag to go along with that ridiculous outfit of yours, you could have pulled the cookie card."

"Low blow Montana, real low blow," he replied, although he had to laugh; her bantering skills were getting better. Leaning down he whispered huskily into her ear, "I'll getcha back for that one later," and continued to push the cart through the store as she was left standing alone, still trying to recover from the chill he had just sent up her spine.

Catching up, she found him in the snacks aisle—where else would a man be found?—throwing nonsense into her cart.

"Danny, we don't need all of this."

"Yes we do," he replied back simply as he threw another bag of chips into the cart and continued on down the aisle.

"You don't even eat sour cream and onion flavored _anything_," she said replacing the container of Pringles, "you always complain that Cheetos turn your fingers orange," and the orange bag was thrown back onto the shelf, "and Funyons make your breath smell. I suggest if you want to kiss me later, you put these back yourself." She winked at him and put the yellow bag in his hand, which was immediately returned to the shelf.

"Can I at least keep the Hoho's?" he asked in a voice that could only make her wonder into the future about how Lucy would be acting in only a couple of years. This could be practice. Would she give in to her daughter?

Silly question. Of course she would.

And those big blue eyes that were pleading with her for the small Hostess box were only making it more difficult to refuse.

"Okay, you can keep the Hoho's, but that's it." She was determined to not give in anymore.

_Let's see how well _that _plan works out_, she thought.

"Alright, if you want to get back home in time to watch your game, we'd better get a move on." With that, she grabbed the cart and pushed it towards the meat counter. Danny's heart dropped at the sight of the line that was growing even more so as they casually made their way to the back.

As they waited in line, he spotted his twin: Another man dressed in similar attire had been dragged out on game day. They gave each other the same look, meaning "I feel for you, bro" and silently returned to their wives.

"Lindsaaaay, is it almost our turn?" he said, purposely, in a whiny voice, leaning over so he could rest his head on the cart handle.

"Dannyyyy, if you don't stop whining, the Hoho's are going back," she said back with a smile. He turned his head over and began pounding it into the handle, getting a rise out of Lucy who began alternating between clapping her hands and slapping Danny in the head.

_Please stop staring, please stop staring_, Lindsay thought as she noticed at least half a dozen heads turn and begin staring at her two children.

"Why don't you take the list and get what we need while I wait in line? I'll meet up with you when I'm done, and by that time you should have everything else anyway."

He nodded in agreement and turned to face his daughter. "Ready to go on and adventure, kiddo?"

"Ah gaga!" she replied and clapped her hands together.

Danny took the list from Lindsay's hands and, regripping the handle on the shopping cart, ducked down and began zooming through the store like a racecar, sound effects and all.

All Lindsay could do was roll her eyes and laugh.

-----------

"So whaddya think, Luce? Think mommy will be mad if we buy the face paint? She hid my other stuff, but I really wanna get in the spirit of the game, ya know?" The only response he got from his daughter was the sounds of her playing with the stuffed dog he had picked up in the toy aisle, deciding that if it kept her happy it was worth the ten dollars.

"I'll take that as a yes!" He threw the small jars of red and blue face paint into the cart like a touchdown spike.

"So what've we got on this here list?" he asked his daughter, once again being unresponsive, as she was clearly preoccupied with her dog. "Milk, bread, coffee—we definitely need coffee—soap, baby food, cookies, peanut butter, dishwasher detergent. Sounds like we should go find alla this crap, huh?"

They made off down the aisles in search of the desired items.

Stopping in front of the refrigerators that held the milk, he cocked his head and stared into them confused.

"What kind of milk do we get Lucy?" She stared up at him, the dog's nose stuffed in her mouth, like he was speaking an alien language. "Thanks for the help." He investigated the different colors of the caps for a little while before making his decision.

"I like blue, do you like blue?" Noticing the familiar color, Lucy clapped the gallon and began clawing at the lid. "We have a winner!"

He tossed the gallon jug into the cart and started down the next aisles, which oh so conveniently happened to be the frozen pizza aisle.

"Look at that: Dinner!" Being the man that he was, Danny pulled out five different frozen pizzas and threw them into the cart and continued down the rest of the frozen foods aisle. "You think we need wings? I think we need wings. Mild or extra spicy?"

He held the two boxes in front of his daughter and threw one of them in the cart as she pointed at it. "Right, extra spicy, what was I thinking?"

As he continued down the aisles, tossing in a few more boxes of wings and a carton or two of ice cream, he turned the corner and almost ran over his wife.

"Hey babe, look! We got stuff," he exclaimed proudly showing off his selections, only gaining a look that said "you're an idiot" from his wife.

"What?"

"Babe, we can't live on frozen pizzas and ice cream, we need substantial food. This is why men shouldn't be allowed to shop," she replied as she took control of the cart, throwing in the items she had gotten at the meat counter.

"Can we keep one of th—"

"Nope."

"Not even the—"

"No."

"But what about the—"

"Daniel Messer, I said no. Do you want to be grounded when we get home?"

"Depends, will you be joining me?" he whispered as he snuck a kiss behind her ear. Lucky for her the cart was there for support. If it hadn't have been there, she surely wouldn't have been able to stand.

He snickered and stood behind her, his arms holding the cart while also wrapping around her shoulders.

They managed to get through the rest of the store without much more hassle, minus the time they passed the electronics section and Danny had to be wrestled away from the Wii almost throwing a tantrum because "You won't let me have one of my own!"

Their last stop was the baby food aisle. As Lindsay began thumbing through all the possible choices, trying to remember which ones Lucy liked and didn't like, Danny started up again.

"Linds, she doesn't even like this stuff, why ya gotta buy it? It's a waste of money."

"Well then what do you suppose we feed her? Frozen pizza and ice cream?" she retorted, not turning her attention away from the can of bananas she was currently deciding over.

"Well no, but there's plenty of other baby food you could be pickin' from. I mean, look at this: Organic Harvest Vegetables, are you _really _thinkin' about buyin' this crap?"

"She _likes_ it; if it's something she'll eat, I'm going to buy it," Lindsay replied, now growing aggravated.

"But look at this one," Danny said, coming back with another container. He held it up like a show girl from a game show and began to flaunt his find. "It's little cookies, and they're soft enough for her to chew, _and _they're nutritious. She'll love 'em better than that crap you feed her now; half of it never ends up in her mouth anyway."

Seeing Lucy eagerly grabbing at the little container of cookies, Lindsay gave in.

"Fine, we'll see how she likes them then."

"High five, Luce!" Danny said, holding his hand up even though he knew his daughter wouldn't hit it back. "We'll have to work on that, huh baby girl?"

They finally gathered all of their purchases and made their way towards the check out counter, Danny making sure he kept the face paint out of Lindsay's view. He quickly loaded the bags in the car and insisted that Lindsay buckle Lucy as he slammed the trunk closed and started up the SUV. He was backing out of the parking lot before Lindsay's door was closed all the way.

"Got somewhere to be cowboy?" she joked as a newfound determination set in on his face.

"Game. On. 10. Minutes. Don't. Distract."

Laughing, she turned around to face her daughter. "And this is why girls are funner than boys, right baby girl? At least shopping is productive."

"Don't worry babe, I'll have her into sports faster than you can teach her to say charge it," he winked.

They pulled into the apartment complex and Danny somehow managed to carry all the bags in one trip while Lindsay balanced Lucy on her hip. When they got back into their apartment he hurriedly threw food in random cabinets, not really knowing or caring if he was right. As soon as all of the paper bags were emptied, he all but launched himself at the remote that was still sitting on his favorite LazyBoy.

Perfect timing; the game was just about to start.

As much as she really wanted to crack her husband across the face as she found peanut butter in the freezer, among other things out of place, Lindsay could only grin at the man.

_He's a boy, let him be a boy_, she thought as she finished removing all of Lucy's winter gear before setting her in the playpen next to her daddy to watch the hockey game until she was finished putting the groceries away—in their rightful places. As soon as this tedious task was complete, she noted the time as well as the exhausted look on her daughter's face and carried the tired child to her crib.

"It's been a long day, huh?" She smiled as she received a yawn from her daughter, the little girl's blue eyes beginning to flutter closed.

"Your daddy loves you, you know. You're the only person in the world he would skip a game for to go shopping."

"Don't forget about her mommy." She felt him before she heard the whisper, but his arms around her were always her favorite place to be, and she snuggled into his embrace as they watched their baby girl fall asleep.

"The game getting boring?"

"Nah, end of the period, commercial break. But I did take the liberty of making us a little snack."

"Really? Danny Messer: A grocery shopping extraordinaire and now a chef? I never would've believed it."

He chuckled. "You don't gotta, it's really not that hard to throw some wings in the oven." He placed a kiss to her lips, bent down to place a soft kiss on Lucy's, and then grabbed Lindsay's hand and pulled her back to the living room.

She sat in his lap while they watched the game, only moving to remove the wings from the oven. Eventually the game became a bore and she fell asleep wrapped in his arms.

It was the opportune moment.

He reached into the side pocket on the recliner and pulled out the face paint.

-----------

When she woke up, her initial thought was that Danny's arms were no longer wrapped around her. Her next thought was that there were certain parts of her face that felt hard, almost as if someone had painted them.

Painted.

She shot up like a cannonball and looked around the room, but he was nowhere to be found. Glancing over to his tv tray, she spotted the small canisters of red and blue face paint and glared at them.

"Good morning sleepy head," Danny cooed as he returned, baby in his arms. "Looks like you're not the only one waking up from your nap, huh Luce?"

"Danny. What. Is. On. My. Face?" Lindsay asked him through gritted teeth. He smiled back and gave her a quick kiss before pointing to the mirror down the hall. The possibilities were really endless when it came to Danny; she didn't even want to think about them.

But when she saw what he had actually done to her face, she couldn't stay mad at him. She actually smiled.

Written on her right cheek was the letter "I", in the middle of her forehead was a red heart, and on her left cheek was the word "You".

Danny came up from behind her and wrapped his free arm around her waist, pulling her into him.

"Did you really think I would write something vile on you?"

"Yes," she chuckled, turning around and giving him a lingering kiss. "I heart you too," she giggled.

He smiled and placed one more quick kiss on her lips before turning back towards the kitchen.

"So what's for dinner Mr. Chef?"

In one swift motion he placed Lucy in her high chair and grabbed a fresh plate of hot wings off of the counter, displaying it for his wife who returned the gesture with a laugh.

"Really?"

"What? It's game night, this is what we _live _on!"

"Alright, alright," she chuckled, putting her arms into the air in an "I surrender" fashion.

"Finally! You've come to the dark side," Danny laughed, popping a wing into his mouth.

"Anything for you, my husband," Lindsay exaggerated, and threw her arms around his neck, kissing the barbeque sauce from his lips. Suddenly, his kissing was much more intense and he was lifting her into the air, spinning her around in circles.

"What was that for?" she asked, a little lightheaded, as he put her down. He could only point at the television.

The Rangers had won.

They were going to the playoffs.

She laughed.

_Men_.

But she wouldn't have him any other way.


End file.
